The perfect conditions…

He that observeth the wind shall not sow, and he that regardeth the clouds shall not reap. Ecclesiastes 11:4

If you are waiting for all the right conditions before you do what you know the Lord has called you to do, you may be waiting a long time. How many times have you said something to the effect…

I’ll do it when my children are grown so I’ll have more time…or

I’ll do it when I get a promotion because I’ll be in a better position it give…or

when my husband gets saved because then I’ll have the support that I need…or

when I get a better education I’ll be better equipped to handle the task…etc etc?

Too often we put off the important things (the things of God in our lives) because everything is not just perfect around us…we want things to be just “so-so” before we’ll make a move.

When God told Joshua that it was time to enter into the promised land, He told him to send the priest out first. The priests were suppose to step in the water of the Jordan River to cross over. What if they had waited for the conditions to be just right? What if their attitude had been, “We’ll go into the river when God rolls it back, or removes the water, or builds a bridge, that way we won’t get our shoes wet.” As we look in the Bible we see that many of God’s servants did not always have all the perfect conditions to work in, but they did it anyway… they took a step of faith. The right condition for Gideon would have been to have a big army with him, but the Lord cut it back to 300…. not the right conditions to win a battle.

Waiting for the right conditions means we are waiting on the conditions that we have chosen we want to do it our own way, in our own time. God chooses the conditions and they may not always seem favorable. Look at the conditions that Paul went through in order to get the gospel out. Stop waiting for all the right conditions…conditions of your own choosing. Because even if the conditions did change and they became exactly like you wanted them you would still wind up finding another “reason” (excuse) as to why you can’t. Don’t wait for everything to be perfect; don’t wait for things to change; because in both cases… it just may not happen.

In His Grip,

Mary

Do you value your feelings, or hide them?

For most of my Christian life I have been taught to not trust my feelings.  I think this has been a huge mistake and it is something that I have been trying hard to reverse for most of my adult life.  If I could summarize what I have been taught it would go something like this:

“feelings can change like the wind so don’t put your trust in them,” or…

“if you do what you ‘feel’ like doing you will end up sinning…after all, you may not ‘feel’ like going to work today or get out of bed or pay your bills,” or worse yet…

“what if you ‘feel’ like leaving your spouse or having an adulterous affair.” 

Because of statements like these and many more, the value I was taught to apply to my feelings was very low.  In the end, I even believed my feelings were sinful, where most of my sin nature resided, and something to be suppressed, ignored, denied, and repressed.  Certainly, I was communicated to that feelings were too mysterious for the serious.

In addition to this is the fact that an appropriate and balanced approach as to how I was to handle my emotions was rarely, if ever, modeled to me in the Christian circles in which I hung out.  Most of the adults in my life held a very tight rein on their emotions and looked down on someone who would be demonstrative or emotional.  Losing it in public was the last thing anyone would want to do.  It was always something to apologize for and be embarrassed about.  This was especially true for the emotion of anger.  If a person was guilty of an angry explosion, this was always interpreted as sinful behavior.

The impact this had on me was to make me afraid of confrontation and conflict.  If someone became upset or angry with me it made me very uncomfortable to the point that I would get all panicky inside.  It’s like I would want to run a 100 miles in the other direction and if I couldn’t escape I would become embarrassed and sweaty and nervous and red-faced.  I also learned how to bury my own anger and the rest of my feelings too.  Because of this I became very disconnected from these parts of myself.  I became the poster child for “the person who was out of touch with his feelings.”  I know I wasn’t the only one, rather, I think this was the status quo and the norm.

The more I counsel and the more that I study God’s Word, the more I have realized how hurtful this kind of teaching on feelings is.  What I understand now is how important our feelings are to our understanding of ourselves, the world around us, and how important feelings are in order to have a clear and healthy understanding of whom God is.

God is the creator and author of feelings.  He is also a God who has feelings.  He feels jealous, angry, wrathful, loving, sorrowful, sad, loving, passionate, hopeful, proud, delighted, peaceful, rejected (without taking it personally), exploited, and a full range of other emotions I’m sure.  Jesus showed His anger when He cleared out the temple of the money-changers, His grief when He wept over the city of Jerusalem, and over the death of His friend Lazarus, His compassion for the woman at the well, and His disgust over the way the Pharisees used their religious power to dominate regular people.

I was also taught in our subculture we call conservative Christianity, or the community of born-againers, the pre-eminency of obedience, and what we do over who we are, and how we behave and what we believe over how we feel.  In 33 years of my being a Christian I don’t believe I can recall one sermon or teaching on the importance of my feelings.  That is startling and telling in and of it self because we are taught not only by what is said, but also by what isn’t said.  Consequently, there is a whole body of people out there who are being taught daily not to value their feelings, and to disregard them, and to shove them down.  I believe this only adds to our subculture’s sickness and phoniness.

It is also very unnecessary because God gave us our feelings as a gift to us.  We have them because He made us in His image, and since He is a feeling God, we are feeling human beings.  Without our feelings we would be robots or like Spock from “Star Trek.”  Imagine being in-love or a romantic relationship without your feelings.  Imagine being a Christian and not having any feelings or emotions toward God.

I spend a great deal of time in counseling helping Christians get reconnected with feelings they have been told are bad.  Sometimes this reconnection is more like a first-time connection.  I encourage people to cry when they feel sadness, to embrace their anger as their friend and ally, and to laugh when something is truly funny amidst the hard work of therapy.  This is an important part of what makes therapy therapeutic!

If, like me, you have heard the negative message about your feelings, at least hear “this voice, speaking in the wilderness,” and “shouting from the mountain tops” about the incredible value and the gift of your feelings, and how they are necessary for you to own, understand, and be in touch with if you are going to be a spiritually mature person.

Start feeling and sharing!

In His Grip,

Mary

Loneliness…a toothache of the soul

 

Loneliness is one of life’s most miserable experiences. Everyone feels lonely at times, but is there a message for us in loneliness? Is there a way we can turn it into something positive?

Sometimes loneliness is a temporary condition that departs in a few hours or a couple of days. But when you’re burdened with this emotion for weeks, months, or even years, it’s definitely telling you something.

In a sense, loneliness is like a toothache: It’s a warning signal that something is wrong. And like a toothache, if left unattended, it usually gets worse. Your first response to loneliness may be to self-medicate – to try home remedies to make it go away.

Busyness is a common treatment.

You may think that if you fill your life with so many activities that you don’t have time to think about your loneliness, you’ll be cured. But busyness misses the message. It’s like trying to heal a toothache by taking your mind off it. Busyness is only a distraction, not a cure.

Buying is another favorite therapy.

Maybe if you purchase something new, if you “reward” yourself, you’ll feel better. And surprisingly, you do feel better – but only for a short while. Buying things to fix your loneliness is like an anesthetic. Sooner or later the numbing effect wears off. Then the pain comes back as strong as ever. Buying can also compound your problems with a mountain of credit card debt.

Bed is a third response to loneliness.

You may believe that intimacy is what you need, so you make an unwise choice with sex. Like the prodigal son, after you come to your senses, you’re horrified to discover that this attempt at a cure not only makes loneliness worse, it also makes you feel desperate and cheap. This is the false cure of our modern culture, which promotes sex as a game, as recreation. This response to loneliness always ends in feelings of alienation and regret.

The real message, the real cure.

If all of these approaches don’t work, what does? Is there a cure for loneliness? Is there some secret elixir that will fix this toothache of the soul?

We need to begin with a correct interpretation of this warning signal. Loneliness is God’s way of telling you that you have a relationship problem. While that may seem obvious, there’s more to it than just surrounding yourself with people. Doing that is the same as busyness, but using crowds instead of activities.

God’s answer to loneliness is not the quantity of your relationships, but the quality.

Going back to the Old Testament, we discover that the first four of the Ten Commandments are about our relationship with God. The last six commandments are about our relationships with other people.

How is your relationship with God? Is it close and intimate, like that of a loving, caring father and his child? Or is your relationship with God cold and distant, only superficial?

As you reconnect with God and your prayers become more conversational and less formal, you’ll actually feel God’s presence. His reassurance is not just your imagination. We worship a God who lives among his people through the Holy Spirit. Loneliness is God’s way, first, of drawing us closer to Him, then forcing us to reach out to other people.

For many of us, improving our relationships with others and letting them get close to us is a distasteful cure, as dreaded as taking your toothache to a dentist. But satisfying, meaningful relationships take time and work. We’re afraid to open up. We’re afraid to let another person open up to us.

Past hurts have made us distrustful.

Friendship requires giving, but it also requires taking, and many of us would rather be independent. Yet the persistence of your loneliness should tell you that your past stubbornness hasn’t worked either.

If you muster the courage to restore your relationship with God, then with others, you’ll find your loneliness lifting. This is not a spiritual Band-Aid, but a real cure that works.

Your risks toward others will be rewarded. You’ll find someone who understands and cares, and you’ll find others whom you understand and care about as well. Like a visit to the dentist, this cure turns out to be not only final, but much less painful than you feared.

Just a few things I am working on.  What about you?  Are you experiencing any loneliness?  I would love to hear from you.

In His Grip,

Mary

Words…

A gentle response defuses anger, but a sharp tongue kindles a temper-fire.   Proverbs 15:1 (The Message)

What does your presence bring to those you encounter? Some people bring negativity. Some bring joy. Some bring the jarring-edge of unresolved anger or hurt, while others bring calm.

You can’t manage anyone’s responses to life except your own. However, paying attention to your own responses will help you think about what you are bringing to encounters you have with others.

Often those closest to us get the frayed edges after a challenging day. Sometimes our own ragged edges work like a giant spoon, stirring up irritation and anger. Let’s be mindful, especially at home, to help create the atmosphere we desire.

Today, be deliberate in watching your tones, your responses, and your words. Choose words that are kind. Choose words that are true and encouraging.

The old saying still holds true: “People will seldom remember what you said, but they will always remember how you made them feel.”

A gentle response defuses anger, but a sharp tongue kindles a temper-fire.  Proverbs 15:1 (The Message)

Keep God’s wisdom close at hand today. The effect in your home will be well-worth the effort.

Father God, today I ask that the responses of my heart and mouth will be gentle and kind. May I help create an atmosphere where Your love is felt through me. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Questions: What responses, tones, and words are you stirring into the atmosphere of your home? How can you help to create an environment where you will be remembered for filling the air with the fragrance of Christ?

In His Grip,

Mary

lost and unsettled…

Genesis 19:26

But Lot’s wife looked back and she became a pillar of salt.  

Letting go of what we grow accustom to is not easy. Moving, switching careers, or letting go of relationships, whether good or bad, can be heartbreaking. Many find it extremely difficult to release the old in order to embrace the new.

In Genesis 19, the angels of the Lord warned Lot and his family of the sudden urgency to flee from the destruction about to take place. Lot hesitated, so the angels of the Lord grasped his hand and those of his family and brought them out to safety. At this critical hour one of the messengers of the Lord warned Lot and his family to flee for their lives and not to look back. Unfortunately, Lot’s wife disobeyed and became a pillar of salt. Although the angels of the Lord led her out of the city, her heart and mind were still back there.

Just like Lot’s wife, sometimes we struggle with letting go of what once was. We wholeheartedly know God wants to offer newness, but we cling to the past. We inevitably become double minded and unstable. We struggle with our old familiar ways while God offers freshness. In Isaiah 43:19, the Lord says, “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.” If we keep clinging to the old things God wants us to relinquish, we will ultimately lose out on His current blessings.

I am struggling right now myself.  I feel a little lost and unsettle.  I know the right things to do, but the old is still what I am holding to.  I also know God has great things for me…I just have to let go of fear and have faith!

Heavenly Father, Pardon me for hanging onto old things that You have been asking me to relinquish. May I learn to embrace the new things You offer in this ever-changing world. In Jesus name, Amen  

Question: Is there an old behavior, past relationship, or mindset God desires for you to relinquish?

Are you struggling to let go of something today?

I would love to hear from you!

 

In His Grip,

Mary

Forgiveness…

Ephesians 4:32
. . . forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

Forgiveness is not a feeling; it’s not forgetting; it’s not pretending you weren’t hurt; it’s not trusting the person again; it’s not even reconciliation. Forgiveness is a DECISION you make to obey God. No one, not even God can make you forgive someone. You must decide to give up your right to hurt the person back. I forgive those who hurt me because God has forgiven me for the hurts I have caused him. Forgiveness protects the forgiver from himself. Forgiveness cancels a debt like Christ cancelled our debt. God says, “I do the punishing; all I want you to do is the forgiving.” Forgiveness is a process, it takes time, but it is an act of grace that reflects God’s treatment to us. When I forgive, I release God to work directly on the other person.

When I refuse to forgive, I create a barrier between God and me and I can’t pray. When I don’t forgive I’m saying that what that person did to me is more important than going on with God.

I know I have truly forgiven when the love of God can flow through me to the person who wronged me. When my decisions are not controlled by the other person’s behavior, I know I have forgiven. When I am free from the pain, anger and hatred towards that person and experiencing God’s peace, I know I have truly forgiven.

Do you need to forgive someone?

Is lack of forgiveness keeping to from serving God today?

Ask God to give you the desire to forgive and then the ability to do so.

Go to the Bible and read Psalm 66:18-20; 1 John 1:9; Matthew 6:14; Matthew 18:21-35; Romans 5:8; Colossians 2:13 & 3:13.

In His Grip,

Mary

backed into a corner?

The woman caught in adultery had no idea that being caught and brought to Jesus to be condemned would turn out so beautifully for her.  She had no idea Jesus would remove the death sentence on her life….It is true, if she hadn’t committed the offense to begin with, she wouldn’t have been in such a horrific position in the first place.  True.  But how often have you and I found ourselves in things that were our own doing?

But God!!

Yes, her accusers used this woman’s life as a pawn in efforts to slam Jesus….I’m certain the woman, as well as her accusers were in shock when it was all said and done.  I can imagine the verbal blasting she received on the way to Jesus.

And when they arrived, they knew they’d backed Jesus into a corner! (Or so they believed).

I am thankful for this account….because its a beautiful reminder that Jesus is truly able to change anything….even a situation that seems like a slam dunk for the enemy.  The woman’s life was changed for the better!!  Who would have thought at the beginning of the situation that the woman would be set free and sent on her way, with the words go and sin no more!

Jesus, backed into a corner….never!

 

John 8:1-11

 

1 Jesus went unto the mount of Olives. 2 And early in the morning he came again into the temple, and all the people came unto him; and he sat down , and taught them. 3 And the scribes and Pharisees brought unto him a woman taken in adultery; and when they had set her in the midst, 4 They say unto him, Master, this woman was taken in adultery , in the very act. 5 Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned : but what sayest thou? 6 This they said , tempting him, that they might have to accuse him. But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground, as though he heard them not. 7 So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself , and said unto them, He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at her. 8 And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground. 9 And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience, went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last: and Jesus was left alone, and the woman standing in the midst. 10 When Jesus had lifted up himself , and saw none but the woman, he said unto her, Woman, where are those thine accusers? hath no man condemned thee? 11 She said , No man, Lord. And Jesus said unto her, Neither do I condemn thee: go , and sin no more. 

In His Grip,
Mary